Since Debbi was the last one to complain that this blog hasn't been updating it, I'm updating it AT HER HOUSE! Technically, while babysitting her kids, except they're in bed. Her "h" key tends to get stuck (I'm on your laptop, Debbi) and I should have switched computers but I'm just lazy like that.

Too many people have been asking me how I'm doing. If I'm doing well, it doesn't matter how many people ask me, because my answer is always the same and doesn't require explanation. Plus, if I'm doing well, I have enough energy to be convincing.

Here's why I don't like not being well:

For every person that asks me how I am doing, I have to evaluate how much information to give them. Will I ever see this person again? How much do they care about me? Will they share information? Will they ask helpful questions? Will they probe for gossip?

For every person that asks me how I am doing, I have to evaluate my own mood and how much information I am willing to share at the moment: Have I just finished a three-hour conversation of my life with another person? Am I cranky? Am I about to burst into tears? Am I bitter? Am I desperate to talk?

It takes a lot more energy to tell someone that you are not doing well than to tell them you are doing well. Very rarely will I indicate I am doing well when I am not. So if I'm not in the mood, or if it doesn't feel like a "good" person to tell, I find it awkward and stressful to defer the question and change the subject quickly.

Okay, here's the deal: At this moment, I am fair. I'm not about to burst into tears. My body is a little tired and has been for the last two weeks, and I've been craving sugar constantly, which is weird. I am also thirsty all the time. All day I think about sugar and water and sleeping. Emotionally, I should be at a high point this week and I'm just not.

On the bright side, there is something freeing about realizing that something is wrong. I didn't acknowledge that I was not "great" until today, and now I can honestly say, "No, I am not great, but I am okay at the moment." Honesty is so freeing.

Sorry this wasn't funny or anything!